I hate losing things. I hate it mainly because when I lose thigs, I usually walk around aimlessly for hours looking for it, only to come up empty handed. What a waste of time. So, like any other time, I'm here for you. So, here are just some of the things that you shouldn't even try to look for because, well, they truly are lost.

1. Mona Lisa - No, not the painting, you idiot. I'm talking about the person, er, the supposed person. Everybody has their own theory about who this mysterious person is. You know, a school-girl, Richard Simmons before the perm, things like that. Frankly, I think it's a hooker. They had them back then you know. And, Leonardo was quite the player. I bet Mona Lisa is smirking because Leonardo is sitting out of frame naked. If only, if only.

Look at them giggle like it's some sort of joke. Disgusting.

2. The Teletubbies - They seemed to have fallen off of the Earth, or whatever crack-induced planet they live on. Honestly, who thought giant blobs of Play-Dough would make it on television. And, don't get me started about Tinky-Winky's "handbag". Besides, his name is Tinky-Winky. Sounds like child molester to me. Personally, though, I seem to believe that the Teletubbies' giant asses are single-handedly responsible for the obesity epidemic. All the kiddies thought it would be fine for their butt to be able to crush a large dog. All I have to say is I bet Boy George was the director.

3. The "Super-Sized" Option - Now this really makes me angry. Why? Because if I'm going to be clogging my arteries, I might as well clog them in one meal and get it over with. I really do not know why they took it off the menu. I guess too many people died or something lame like that. Hell, it's not like McDonald's hasn't been sued before. ("Ma'am, I spilt my coffee on my lap" or "Ma'am, I spilt my burger on my lap" or "My hamburger smells like Windex") People complain too much. Anyway, Mickey D's should be ashamed. Ashamed, I say!

The tear stains are still on my enchiladas.

4. Chi-chi's - Chica, chica! Sorry, I just kinda had to do that. What was I talkin' about? Oh yeah, Chi-chi's. I used to love it there. I mean, authenitc Mexican food, it was not. I can say that there were no fired grasshoppers. I loved how they would sing on my birthday. Cha cha! Anyway, they closed about some dumb thing like hepatitis. Anyway, haveing a disease floating around would make it more like Mexico. But, I digress. The point: Chi-Chi's, you broke my heart, you soul-less bastards!